I’d heard a lot about this hotel before I even got to Ibiza.¬†Hacienda Xa Namena is the island’s oldest, and indeed only, five star hotel, and it’s situated somewhere incredibly remote at the end of a very high, steep and winding road through the hills, ending at one of its northernmost points.

It’s universally hailed to be one of the best places to see the sunset in Ibiza, even better than Cafe del Mar, and who wants to hang around there with a load of tanked up club kids off their faces on leftover foam? (you know – from all the foam parties). Not me. So I was lucky enough to be able to spend a night here during the Ibiza trip, and it was well worth the slight DRIVING fear.

We got there at around 6pm, and the entrance is a bit Balinese island chic crossed with Mediterranean cool. There are heavy wooden doors sporting saucy naked male and female forms on the way through reception, and big tribalesque carvings of heads down by the pool area. There are some lovely Spanish tiles on the ground and what appears to be a nice bar and restaurant poolside. Meanwhile you don’t really take much of that in as the only thing you can look at is THE INSANE VIEW.

I mean it’s incredible. Amazing. Mere pictures don’t really do it justice. But suffice to say when you’re on the terrace of a hotel carved into a cliff about 180m above sea level, and all you can see is other cliffs, and a sheer intense drop and the blue blue bluest sea, it kind of burns itself into your retinas and it’s all you can do to not stumble about going, ‘mine eyes! mine eyes!’. Etc.

Basically it’s awesome. D loved being among the hills at Can Lluc and thought that was a pretty good view, not to mention the Amante beach club, but this kind of trumped it for him. And for me.

After checking in to our lovely room (all of them have The View. All of them), we headed to the spa where we were due to undergo a water therapy treatment at what they call the ‘Cascades Suspendus’. This is basically eight jacuzzi style pools one level down from the swimming pool and bar/restaurant area set right at the edge of the cliff, so you feel as if you’re floating over the sky. It’s all very heady and spiritual. I hadn’t even had a drink by this point.

Being pummelled by mere water to the extent that it actually hurts is quite a surprise but also invigorating, and also amusing, so once our hysterical laughter had died down and the treatment was over, we went back to the room to get ready for dinner.

We had been due to eat at the upper restaurant, Eden, but the staff felt it was going to be too windy so we had to dine indoors downstairs. But they kindly let us have a couple of sundowners up there so we could watch the picture-perfect sunset. Again, there are not many words to do it justice but here’s a few: Big. Shimmery. Scarlet. You get the general idea.

After two glasses of pink wine (my first of an evening due to all the DRIVING), we headed down for dinner, which was a set menu affair. We started with a tiny tapas-style selection of tasty nibbles including a very nice, tart ceviche; a crunchy summer roll; some rather decadent foie gras on a biscuitty base; and a black olive sponge (sounds weird, was nicer than it sounds). We also ordered a very delicious Cotes De Provence rose, as alas the Spanish don’t seem to do rose as well as the Southern French.

The main was a surf and turf kind of affair with slices of Wagyu beef and a blue fish similar to marlin. In fact it may actually have been marlin. I’m not sure as I was a bit squiffy by this point, overjoyed by the fact there would be no more DRIVING until the next day. Dessert was like a creamy creme brulee with a totally unnecessary but very welcome caramel ice cream.

After that things got a bit hazy and I think D had to help me get to the room without tripping down the spiral staircase that led there. Who knows? It was all just very AWESOME.

Atmosphere: 9/10 – need I remind you about The View?!

Service: 8/10 – lovely, friendly, and largely French

Value for Money: 7/10 – portions could have been a bit bigger but then I am a greedy piglet.